I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
