Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
