Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i'm inner monologue high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
