my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
