how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
