Duck Duck Cougar?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
