Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
