I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
