Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
