i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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