the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
