i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
