get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
