my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
