Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
