You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
