i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
