I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
