I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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