the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
