I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
