Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
