I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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