I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
