No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Farmville is her only friend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
