Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
