She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
