dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
