I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
