whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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