Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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