I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
