Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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