I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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