you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
