You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
