im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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