I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
