Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
