You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
