Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
