I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
