Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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