I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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