Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
