You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize