these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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