im drinking this country out of the recession.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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