I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
