I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
