I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
