I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
