You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
