dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
love makes seman taste better
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
