Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
