When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
