fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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