I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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