i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
