do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
