On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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