Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
