im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
