i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
