I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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