I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
