I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize