I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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