So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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