ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
