i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
