so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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