Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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