i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
