oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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