I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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