I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
