i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
