That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
