Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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