Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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