Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
