Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
