He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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