My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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